I have been wondering whether signing up for School of Witness(SOW) has been a right choice for me. The entire programme may be life changing, enriching, and character moulding....but do I actually want to change myself? Do i want to?!?!?!

Evangelisation and proclamation has never been something I yearned to do. never ever before. That's probably because I believe that GOd manifests Himself in many forms...the buddha...ala...Jesus, etc, and no single religion pales in comparison with the rest. Basically, a common message apparent in all religions: "Do Good"
In my opinion, evangelisation and proclamation are akin to advertising religion. This draws a close relation to how goods compete with one another in the free market economy. The thought of religion being a product for marketing somehow puts me on my toes.

Hopefully Sow might inspire me to be a witness of christ...just that the programmes really have to be powerful and inspirational to give my strong-minded personality a big nudge. I want god to guide me in my life.....but then again do I really desire to be a holy holy person after that 5 weeks?

A kevin who can't talk cock after that 5 weeks....well...Im just in love with my "talk crapability" no matter how much impure content i can produce

I feel like the prophet jonah who wasn't whole hearted in giving himself .....

On another note...I feel so useless..and hopeless. An utter failure. A shadow of my former self. Im so frightened of trying anymore, because undoubtedly i will still fail.....i give up...

With that pessimism, life could only get better, until then....

I will attempt the test...give in not to the rest...and try my best
Im smarter than i look but im more useless than i seem to be

Went back to nj and sji today. Heard that the school is pretty quiet now that the pda has graduated, causing the noise level to drop by probably 180%? It required merely nic goh and i to simply greet V Cheng louder than the rest of the entire school. Met up with the rest of the sji-sjab gang afterwards. Lunch at Carls Jr was hilarious! totally!

Last week's s23 outing was quite sad. The pda's full strength was 5, first time there were more girls than guys. We were also emoemo. But well, this week the National Slavery dudes are returning to the free world!!! Haiz, but i wont be able to make it tomorrow

Today was fun.
4 hours of badminton with sji-sjab taurus and Clarence. CJC is like some badminton school lah...all my cj squadmates can literally flick my balls like nuts. Luckily they weren't as god-like as the mighty xavier chua who owns me 21-2. Badminton can never be fun without all that loud laughing and effing around.

Wanted to go swim, but bert soluble in water, bearbear and james no attire...so nicgoh and clarence swam on their own while we just went to bathe and talk cock.

btw, for matthias who thinks our productions suck...njpda videos rawks! even jing han suscribe!

dota today was the best game i ever had....we were all equally matched and it lasted for 67 min with all that good teamplay and stress. It was seriously neck-to-neck since there was no imba guru damien liew to score 32 kills and rape our asses. Then we played call of duty where my comp was so full of shit, so many of god's angels coming out with all that white stuff and ruining my game...of course lah...bearbear found it fun shooting our balls.

Hey and thanks guys for attending Fuel session with me, though bert and clarence pangsehed. Hope you guys can come more often...hmm, initially thought that our sharing would turn out into our usual talk-cock session...but really...thanks for going deep...especially bear and dardar. and guitar playing was really screwed up on my part today...for not even knowing the song...not audrey's fault haha.

Stay united sji taurus 06

It is a new year
Some things happen overnight...while others seem to be overnight though they happen over 18 years.
12 years of formal education has whizzed past.
From the lil boy who cried on his first day of school in primary 1...to another lil boy who is typing this blog entry

(the boy who didnt look at the camera)

Lower primary at Ai tong was a quiet time where I kept to myself...frightened of every single soul. Didn't even dare to talk to strangers while waiting at the sidegate for mummy to pick me after school. The whole world was just me..and myself. My childhood viewpoint of the world was a dangerous place where everybody was waiting to kill me.

Upper primary was a time of peer pressure...Tamiya cars...wrestling cards, pokemon, digimon, playstation and all that stuff where kids play at school. I became more naughty and playful. My mom had to bear with complaints whenever she came to pick me up. There was a point of time when the class was "guys vs girls", we would tease the girls, and obviously the girls would complain to those damn p-school teachers who were ALWAYS siding with the girls.

(2nd row, 1st from right)

SJI is a family tradition, so I was (am) proud to be enrolled into the school. Secondary 1 was a year of learning, all the guys stuff that you can never find in your textbooks or from your parents. The SJI community was warm and family-like, the teachers and seniors were just different from Ai Tong. My class had lots of Nanyang primary school boys then..like godwin, mattheus, yan xun...and aitong schoolmates like jov and arthur too. It was the explosion age where ouch! we all became sort of allergic to girls, can hardly talk to them, let alone play hide and seek anymore.

Secondary 2 was the time where there was the "syndicate" as printed on the 204 t-shirt which i still keep. We wrestled in class, sometimes friendly, sometimes fought with hostility. Throwing chairs, walls of jerichos, spears, punches. We would tekan those who stood in our way, and make fun of those who suck-up to teachers. In a way...yup, I was kinda like a bully. Attaining high placing in my cohort also proved a point that you don't have to be a goody gay boy to produce excellent results.

Secondary 3 was sjab time, even stopped being active in legion of mary to commit more to sjab. Improving my skills proficiency, training my fitness level, grooming my leadership capabilities, and building more unity among my squadmates. There were lots of politics, propaganda, alliance formation, breaking of friendships, but it all redounded to invaluable experience as a Josephian. My results were experiencing a "depreciation" then.

Secondary 4 was time as a senior member of the student community. The passion and service of love towards the mission. The imparting of knowledge, skills, and mentoring so that newer and better leaders can be developed from my juniors. It was the year I really felt the camaderie with different groups of friends. But it had to end in the O levels where I picked my books up and braced myself for the battle which was eventually won

(1st row, 3rd from right)

(1st row, 4th from left)


confirmation class (back row, 3rd from left)

It was perhaps the end of Sec4 that I got more involved in church youth activities even though confirmation was in Sec3. In the sec3 days, the sji peeps would just click together and other than the altar servers, I hardly knew anyone in church. It merely started with the email from aunty liz asking for facils for the confirmation camp...which led on to more activities and committments...suddenly being a part of the fuel council and so on. And Ive seen how FUEL has changed and grown for the past 3 years...pretty amazing...from the "once in a blue moon" gatherings for con3 05 ....to the weekly friday sessions for post-confirmants.

Life in nj...Ive blogged pretty much about it.

It was something that I had not expected it to be. Initially thought of a dull environment where everyone just muggs, and if I acted or behaved the way I did in sji, people would look at me as if I just broke out of asylum. Well, people did look at me that way..but it never did matter since we were the infamous njpda.

Outdoor activities club was a whole new experience, being totally different from sji-sjab. But there were many lessons to be learnt and fun times enjoyed too.

Overall, the njc life was....to put it in a single word...WONDERFUL

but the school still does suck though...

Adventure trail challenge (the race where we walked and talked)

Backwoods Man camp (where mervyn and i talked during silent night and cheated to set a fire)


Needless to say...the pda and our harem..the s23 girls I mean

graduation night with s23 (the night of rojak emotions)