M(guy) has a crush on V(girl). He tries to woo her, asking her out on dates, calling her every night, sms-ing her every moment, buying her gifts... Both of them get on well. As time goes on...the more M got to know V, the more he felt attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her. However, there was one problem. As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him. Though V often spent time with M, M had this gut feeling that their relationship was only "friendship based". The insecurity that M felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend. Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him. After spending many days and nights obsessing over V, M finally arrived at the conclusion that if only V knew how he felt, she would be able to feel the same way towards him too.So he made a bold move. He told her his true feelings towards her. He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her. And guess what happened? V told M that she wasn't sure if she liked him. For the next few days, M and V started avoiding each other in school, M stopped calling V at night though he pined for her calls and her smses. M was totally confused about this sudden cold attitude towards him after he had confessed to her. Why is this happening? Does she like me? Questions, and questions after questions floated in M's mind day and night. M couldn't withstand this torture anymore and finally called V to clear things up. V then told him that she treated him only as a friend...

I was reflecting on this story yesterday night when I was somehow unable to get to sleep. M, like many other guys would probably be sad...depressed, emo....and also pissed off, erm furious perhaps. One-sided love is the worst mental agony one can experience. Yeah though M may like(love) V, at that point of time, he wants to shout, SHOUT!!! shout at her!!! and tell her to get lost!! get out of his mind!!! fuck off and die!!! maybe even give her a slap...This is what I define as the love-hate tragedy, which is the combination of both extreme feelings. Rejection is hard to be accepted, it is loathed, by everyone... For V, M is nothing more than a close friend. She would never be able to understand the pain which M feels, the confusion that torments him...

I attended Reverend Father Fossion's memorial service yesterday, and it somehow allowed me to visualise this rampant phenomenon in the spiritual sense. Isn't god's love to us one-sided too? He gave his only son to die for us and hence showed how much He loved the world. Yet, we often forget about this. Not only do we not love god in return, instead we choose to go against his teachings. There's just so much injustice in this world, so much love that is repaid only by bloodshed and hatred. Jesus taught us to love...what are we doing? Discriminating against others...not lending a helping hand...vengeful intentions....impure thoughts, selfishness...and the list goes on. Just like how V ignores M's smses...we are switching off our "handphones" and ignoring god's smses...

We hate it when our love is not acknowledged, just like how M feels when he is rejected despite being willing to devote himself to V. Perhaps we should put ourselves into God's shoes, and look at it from another angle. God's sacrificial love towards us is so immense, nevertheless we are rejecting Him through our callous actions in our daily lives... When we get rejected by our dream girl/ dream guy, it feels somewhat like a thousand swords piercing right into our hearts. I really wonder how God feels when billions reject his love..

I am far from being perfect.
I have made enemies.
Done many wrong things.

Maybe we should stop hating the other party for rejecting us. No one is perfect. And we had definitely rejected someone else's love in our lives before....be it our parents...or another M...

The world will be flawless if love is returned with love, and hate is returned with love. If everyone knows how to put themselves into someone else's shoes...

Our human nature sucks...

"A man leads an honorable life if he lives his life for others..."

Today was a bad day.

Went to parade square 15minutes before time and stoned...8.30 finally arrived and my parade commanding really sucked. Haven't been practising for quite a long time, and I think my Sec3s can command better than me now. The most stupid part was the pledge. I said it too quickly, and by the time I realised it, there were already smiles on everyone's faces. It is uncomfortable to control laughter, so I quickened the speed of my pledge and screwed it up further so that the assembly can laugh out as soon as possible. VP scolded...and whatever...Discipline mistress said that my necklace wasn't part of the school uniform. Please lah, its a rosary ring and I have been wearing it for years, and no one said a thing about it in sji. Oh, and yeah sure, I permed my hair, jealous of mycool hair??!!

After that, was quite funny, people thought it was NJPDA prank, and my class was laughing at me. No GP and chinese, so we went canteen talk crap and tell lame jokes.

Started to emo about personal stuff during lecture, felt like vommitting, became sensitive to noise....and carried on like this for the whole day. Even after lunch, I didn't hang out with the PDA, just went to the library for some solitude reflection till Ngiam called me...

PW lecture was in lt1, but changed to lt5, so we entered lt5 late. Lecture was so boring but still managed to take down some notes. And after lecture, some short-necked teacher told the "4th row from the back" boys to stay behind...and yeah that was us. Gosh mann, was already so pissed, tired, emo, sad, depressed, and still got kao pei by her...since she accused us of being late and not concentrating....

Then had OAC EXCO interview. It was quite fun actually, but i couldn't enjoy it much due to the mood i was in. Managed to talk quite a lot,...but somewhere down in my mind...somehow felt it was better to have talked lesser...

Sucks...